It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
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He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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