So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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