Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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