thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
