this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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