This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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