this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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