At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
