did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just invented taco cereal.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
