I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
