youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
