You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
