How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
