and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
