I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
