I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
