I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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