The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
A bitchslap is in order.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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