He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
