Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
