I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
