apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
