i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
