I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I pour the whiskey from now on
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
