You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
