dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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