I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
