i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
