My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
