if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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