I looked at my own cervix.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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