Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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