Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
