Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
