It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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