why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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