Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
