Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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