1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
