Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize