Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
