So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
