wanna go halves on a baby?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?