How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius