His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.