That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.