i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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