I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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