Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
