Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
