it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he fucked my hip out of place.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
