i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
