someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
