Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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