I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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