and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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