you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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