last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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