We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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