I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
