Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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