When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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