I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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