Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
