So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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