Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
