Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
