my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
