Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
